This page has no real theme, coherence, or structure. If it sounds ridiculous, it was meant to. If it sounds false, it is — I usually try to keep the line between fiction and fact intentionally blurry in order to prove a point I have long since forgotten. I’m not a bad person, although I do a good impression of one. I’d like to think I have a good sense of humour, but everyone does. I have brown, rapidly graying hair and blue, often dry and bloodshot eyes. I like music. I like crosswords. I enjoy both hockey and post-Marxist social theory. If there was a Maritimes Seperatist Party I’d be a card carrying member and director of propaganda, but I’m too slow-witted and welfare-addicted to bother starting one… so don’t worry, cousins to the West. My favorite song of all time is either ‘Sweet Soul Music’ by Arthur Conley or ‘Children’s Story’ by Slick Rick. My name is Kirk. My favorite colour is green. No, red. No! Green. My favourite hockey team are the Pittsburgh Penguins. My favourite baseball team are the Montreal Expos. I hate baseball. I hate marketing. I hate entertainment news. I hate turnip. Ok, fine… I dislike turnip. But I hate parsnips. Cabbage, I’ve come around on. So too the noble mushroom, but not to quite the same extent. I love my sideburns. I love The Clash, Wire and The Minutemen. I play a Lake Placid blue Fender Stratocaster through an Orange Crush 30R and a Fender Hot Rod Deluxe. I regret selling my Epi Les Paul Custom for rent money. My favourite authors are Martin Amis, Angela Carter and Patricia Highsmith. I like to write, but I don’t enjoy it all the time. I wear glasses and t-shirts.