Dane Cook is NOT a Comedian

12Apr07

dane-cook.jpg

He’s a hack. He’s an excellent self-promoter. But he’s not a comedian. Always talking loud and saying nothing whilst running about doing somersaults — anything to draw attention away from the fact that his pop-culture besotted non-sequitors aren’t really jokes in the first place, regardless of their whacky-voiced delivery. He’s the personification of an exceedingly bad episode of Family Guy. He’s Jeff Foxworthy for the self-absorbed, ritalin-laced mall punk generation; if you own a Dane Cook album, you just might be a brainless individual(tm) with no attention span, a sweet cell phone and a vocabulary consisting of little more than “random”, “sketchy” and “wow!” Dane Cook is to comedy what NASCAR is to auto racing — boring, hypercommercial dreck going in circles, cheered on by drunken mouthbreathers. But I’m not jealous. Being a hater isn’t about jealousy, it’s about hate. So don’t give me no posi crap — haters make the world go ’round. I’m not saying that’s necessarily a good thing, but I call it as I see it.

Dane Cook sucks.

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96 Responses to “Dane Cook is NOT a Comedian”

  1. 1 Katie

    ok..umm….this is f*cking b*llshit…it’s not the joke you say, its HOW you say it…good comedians could make “why did the chicken cross the road” joke AMAZGINLY funny! And I could see Dane doing this…I don’t love him for his jokes (well yes i do..but NOT just this!) I love him becuase no one else can tell a joke like he can. Get your fact’s straight before you knock down a comedian…@$$ hole!

  2. 2 arsebundren

    Well, you’re obviously an expert on comedy — unlike myself. However, I do agree that a well-told chicken and road joke can be life-altering…when you’re eight years old.

  3. 3 Thomas

    Dance Cook is not that funny. I have a collection of comedy with Pablo Fransisco, Mitch Hedberg, etc, and Dane Cook. I watch the others all the time and Dane Cook gets skipped every time. Employee of the month SUUUUCKED! oh my god! these bull shit films have got to stop! always the same frame! boy sees girl, girl doesnt see boy, girl sees boy, boy is happy, almost there, suddenly everything goes wrong, in the shit (sad music, rain, thunder and lightning, comeback, almost loses comeback, and than he does make it. WOW. lost an hour and a half of my life watching that stupid movie that has NO jokes. And that stupid double chinned Simon douche he is so lame.

  4. 4 arsebundren

    Dane Cook is a base opportunist. Take that Dane Cook!

  5. 5 jay

    hes funny as fuck and u kno it, end of story bitches

  6. 6 arsebundren

    fuck is no longer what it once was

  7. 7 kas

    DANE COOK IS FUNNIER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE. LEAVE THE MAN ALONE!

  8. 8 arsebundren likes the cock

    ur a complete dickhead, have fun mocking the generation thats cleaning up ur generations mess up of the world and the generation thats gonna be taking care of you when your old and senial.

  9. 9 arsebundren

    Haha…I think I’ll kill myself before it comes to that. And I’ll continue to have loads of fun mocking your generation until you figure out how to properly spell and express yourself in a coherent manner. Never mind the whole liking-Dane-Cook thing…

    Oh, and read a book once in awhile. They have these things in them called “facts”. They’re your friend.

  10. 10 arsebundren

    Honestly kids, in ten years time Dane Cook will be remembered about as fondly as Carrot Top.

  11. 11 Teddy

    haha wow… she just totally proved your point… Dane Cook is not funny he is just a guy who looks like he jumped out of an american eagle add and someone said “hey you! can you make loud noises and look like an idiot?” and he did so they gave him a microphone

  12. 12 umchick

    i think maybe some people have a little too much time on their hands if they go on the internet to post remarks of their dislike for others. you’re what we normal people call synical. grow up. if you cant do that then atleast post remarks in favor of people you do like. you sound like an insecure thirteen year old girl who likes to bash the other kids because she feels that shitty about herself.

  13. 13 Jessie

    Ha ha wow i really do agree with umchick, those who dislike Dane Cook have wasted valuable time just talking about how much you hate him.. esspecially arsebundren who has spent way too much time doing this. if you dont like someone, dont stress out about it, live your life and let it go! i wish those of you who are deeply troubled by your hatered for Dane the best of professional help πŸ™‚

  14. 14 danecook.fucks.arsebundrens.mom

    Dane Cook is the Fucking King … and i have no idea what the fuck your talking about when you say his jokes arent real what the hell do you consider real…his monopoly joke is fucking halarious..he is just revolutionizing comedy away from the fucks who just stand there. cause the somersaults and jumping around make it even funnier

  15. 15 arsebundren

    Yous guyzz are all just TOTALLY halarius! plolz! But answer me this, why is it that everyone posting in Dane’s defence appears to have, at best, a fifth-grade reading level?

    And, not that it matters (because apparently all Dane Cook fans are complete imbeciles who don’t know what words actually mean, let alone how to spell them), but saying “bad” things about artists (and I use this term in the loosest possible way) is commonly known as “criticism”.

    People have been doing this since art was invented twenty-odd years ago.

  16. 16 arsebundren

    And for the record, I don’t hate Dane Cook. I hate the morons who continue to feed his ego.

  17. 17 Chezluver

    Dane is hotter than fire, and funnier than an armless dude trying to wipe his a**, so if i had one i would tell you to duck my sick, but i am in fact a girl so i will just bit** slap the screen untill my fricken arm hurts.

  18. 18 Chezluver

    never mind.

    DUCK MY SICK BIT**A**

  19. 19 Chezluver

    I LIKE CHEZ SO FU** OFF BIT** A**

    DISSIN’ DANE IS A SIN IN MY BOOK. AND SO IS FU**IN’ OLD PEOPLE CRAZY BIT** COMIN’ THRU!!!

    KILL JOHNNY DEPP IF YOU WANT TO LIVE PAST TODAY

    ANGRY NOTATION ON MY FACE!!!

  20. 20 Liz

    try watching dane cook’s vicious circle. i was laughing my ass off the whole movie & when i wasn’t laughing i was going “that’s so true!” b/c he’s not only a damn good motherfucking commedian, but he brings in real life situations that everyone can relate to so it’s 1000000000000 x more funny. get a sense of humor rather than posting web blogs on the internet talking shit about someone b/c you’re jealous πŸ™‚ thanks!

  21. 21 Liz

    please tell me this isn’t fucking HILARIOUS!

  22. 22 arsebundren

    Does anyone with an IQ over 100 find Dane Cook funny?

  23. 23 Gina

    People have their own opinions, and if you dislike Dane Cook then hey! That’s cool. It’s a free country, you can say whatever you would like. I don’t hate you for it~

    However, I love Dane Cook and I will always be a fan. I don’t think i’ll ever find my way back here (I was actually just searching on Google for some pictures of him to use as a wallpaper, haha), but I would like to state that I love the guy. He always makes me laugh. He may not be as great as other comedians as people say, but he’s still a comedian and he has fulfilled his job to me… And that’s laughing my ass off. ❀

    Sorry you don’t like him, but hey, it’s life~ Cheers, man.

  24. 24 Gina

    Oh, and one quick thing. I honestly don’t think that Dane has the ego that you think he has. Sometimes, comedy is about having a lot of self-confidence, and he definitely has it. The fact that he acts like that on stage just makes him all the funnier.

    … But have you ever seen him off the stage? He’s been in a few interviews and hosted a few shows and from what i’ve seen, he’s a very down-to-earth kinda guy. Sure, he self-promotes, but who wouldn’t? Although he’s popular, he still wants to get his name more known in the world. If you were becoming famous, you would want to do the same thing.

    I’m rambling too much. I will stop now and continue to search for my wallpapers. ❀

  25. 25 arsebundren

    Gina,

    Thanks for actually leaving a coherent comment. Unfortunately you seem to be firmly in the minority among your peers.

  26. 26 Gina

    I was not expecting you to be so fast! Surprised me. I reloaded the page and *boop!*

    Then again, granted that the ones commenting right now are the flamers, and they’re all not very right in the head to begin with. It’s sad to see that people will just bash anything they don’t like without even bothering to listen to the other side of the story.

    I mean, EVERYONE can’t like the man. It’s a nice thought to have, but one that has a really, REALLY slim chance of succeding.

  27. 27 arsebundren

    I guess I just look for more out of standup than cheap laughs…and I find Cook’s priorities to be extremely crass (i.e to make as much money as possible in as short a time as possible through gross overexposure and by playing to the lowest common denominator). Dane Cook loves money, not comedy. Will he be around in thirty years time and still on top of his game like George Carlin? I highly doubt it. In fact, I dread the thought of it.

  28. 28 Gina

    I honestly don’t know much about the ‘overexposure’ part for a really good reason… I’m studying abroad in Japan this year, so I have no clue what’s going on back in the American world as of right now.

    What I DO know is that yes, he’s going to be in two back-to-back movies (Good Luck Chuck and Mr. Brooks). But honestly, did he even purposely mean to get that overexposure in the first place? The opportunities came up and god forbid that you would turn down a MOVIE DEAL, especially two! And with Mr. Brooks being far outside of the comedy scene, he’s getting a lot of heads turned and a new set of folks who’s looking out for him.

    I honestly think that it’s been the timing that’s been giving him the overexposure. I’m disagreeing with you on the money>comedy part. For that man to be so close to his fan base and to show such dedication to his work (even if you don’t think it’s funny, you have to think of the effort that he puts into this), it just doesn’t seem possible to me for him to be a money hungry kind of person.

    And no, he may not top other popular comedians as time goes on as you say. For now though, i’m enjoying what he’s giving. That’s all that counts to me~

  29. 29 arsebundren

    Gina,

    I don’t agree with you, but well played nonetheless.

  30. 30 Gina

    Heh, thanks. Gave it a shot, and I can’t win them all. *raises little white flag*

    Good talking to you though. See you around~

  31. 31 Lori

    so dane cook is probably the most amazing comedian ever. id like to see you go up n stage and be as funny as he is….im pretty sure youd suck. so think before you smack dane because thats your opinion but it doesnt mean your lack of a sense of humor an originality has to spread to us.

  32. 32 taylor

    look assholes, Dane Cook is hilarious!! He isn’t really telling jokes he is telling stories about what happened to him as a child, and stuff happening now, or things that he has figured out. but the way he tells them is hilarious! and if you thnik he sucks, well you are just mad because you are too much of an illiterate fuck to understand his jokes.

  33. 33 arsebundren

    So let me get this straight, Dane Cook is the best, most groundbreaking comedian EVER because he talks about his own life and makes random observations about sketchy things? Holy shit. Why didn’t I, or anyone else in the history of the world, ever think of this before? I could be a millionaire by now. Oh right, I’m illiterate.

  34. 34 Evan

    Thanks for calling us the “self-absorbed, ritalin-laced mall punk generation”…and if that’s what we are then i am damn proud to be a self-absorbed, ritalin-laced mall punk.

    By the way, you could just as easily be analyzed as you did us. What goes around comes around and because of that, I am not going to cuss you out or anything. You don’t deserve the attention. But, I do know that if you read this, it’s bugging the crap out of you that I just possibly might be right.

  35. 35 arsebundren

    Evan,

    You just blew my mind, man. Now go suck a tailpipe. K, thanks.

  36. You’re obviuosly a brainless individual. He can use a large vocabulary in any joke and make it funny while making sense. Maybe you’re mad because you can’t tell his jokes like he can. Hmmmm I like the way you have no support on your little rampage. Proof that he’s talented. He has his own film coming up “Good Luck Chuck”,he starred in “Waiting”,was a lead role in “Employee of the Month” also starred in “Mr.Brooks” wow has a tour of comedians including himself titled “Tourgasm” and over 2 million fans supporting him and his career. Enough said.

  37. 37 Trish

    ok the only reason you dont think dane cook is funny is because clearly you’re trying to be “different” and if you dont find him funny you’re a fucking loser. And you have no life…and probably no friends.thats why you have time to do this gay website. So there. And yes smart people do love dane cook because im a borederline genius and i think hes the funniest person ever. Be jealous hes sexy and has lots of ladies and you probably still live in your mother’s basement…

    So go have a weepathon you creep

  38. 38 arsebundren

    Trying to be “different”? No, it’s called having good taste. Besides, I must be doing something right, since my “gay” website has you so hot and bothered, you homophobic creep.

  39. 39 arsebundren

    I do agree, however, that a string of shitty movies is certainly indicative of Mr. Cook’s talent level.

  40. 40 arsebundren

    And he didn’t “star” in Waiting..he had a pretty minor role. Unless — being such a huge fan — you mistook Ryan Reynolds for him.

  41. 41 Lomo

    does anyone remember the saying ‘if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all?’ i personally think dane cook is one of the funniest men alive, others who think differently are entitled to that. but why waste time writing about how ‘bad’ he is ? i think you need to reconsider the way you spend your time.

  42. 42 arsebundren

    That saying is a cop-out for people who lack the ability to think critically.

  43. Arsebundren get the fuck off the website and stop coming back to leave your stupid ass rants because everyone fucking hates you and you are a loser. You’re adopted and your parents didn’t want you. If you don’t like Dane Cook, fine but I do and so do a lot of other people. Shut the fuck up.

  44. 44 arsebundren

    jcgatekeeper: It’s my website, so I’ll do as I please. And so what if I’m adopted? Your parents are alcoholics.

  45. 45 Keeny-kun

    Dane Cook may not be the funniest commedian out there, but I happen to enjoy him. In reply to arsebundren’s rant, I must protest that though his method of comedy is slightly unorthodox, it still has comedic quality . . . some of it. I’m not partial to his more racey bits. Perhaps it is his whacky approaches to the human cliche that I find funny. He is eccentric and overblown, this is true, but there’s a certian amount of truth behind his monologues. I for one enjoy him.
    Oh, and by the way, I once had my IQ professionally tested. It’s 155.

  46. 46 arsebundren

    Keeny-kun,

    Fair enough and congrats on penning only the second coherent rebuttal I’ve received. I guess my question was and always will be: is Dane Cook ANYWHERE near funny enough to warrant his popularity? Hell no. I tend to view this whole phenomenon as another extension of our prevailing culture of intellectual laziness which places convenience above all other values. It’s convenient to like Dane Cook. His internet-borne marketing is unavoidable and his “bits” are easily digestable in youtube-sized chunks, low on substance and high on comic MSG — fast food for the flabby-brained.

  47. 47 goddess24

    All you guys who say that Dane Cook is nothing have seriously got to grab a hold on what comedy is about..Ive only seen about three of his acts and already i feel the guy will make it enev bigger than he already is!

  48. 48 Guy Smiley

    There is a strong possibility that you are just saying this to get a rise out of people just for the hell of it(I do the same thing – some responses are absolutely hilarious) However there is also the possiblity that you are just jealous – Maybe because you dont get any pussy. Either way you’re as wrong as two left shoes!

  49. 49 Colin

    Dane cook is actually funny, you just don’t realize it. I’m assuming you don;t like his style of humor because you’re some sort of self-righteous snob who only gets a kick out of things that are socially considered highly intellectual or intelligent (whatever the hell that means). I’ll assume that you consider George Carlin a grand comedian, which he is, but someone like Dane Cook will require you to actually have some sort of social life to be able to relate to his material on an emotional level and not just a theoretical life (i.e. TV, Internet, your blog etc.)… which is the whole point: To be able to relate and you just don’t have the needed experience, so to speak.

  50. 50 Krysta

    hmm… a lot of people here have a point. Personally, i love Dane Cook. I think he’s hilarious. In fact, i just rented Employee of the Month today and watched it. It wasn’t as funny as I hoped it would be, but he didn’t write it, he just acted in it. I don’t understand why people are judging his comedic abilities in his acting roles. He has nothing to do with writing the films, exept for “8 guys” in 2003. But I haven’t seen that yet. I suppose I should before I continue saying he’s awesome… But anyways, I think it’s quite difficult to judge a comedian because there are a lot of different types of comedy. Dane Cook’s, being observational humour. He sees something, does something, etc., and tells you about it in a funny way. A lot of comedians just tell random jokes. We are all entitled to our opinions, and I don’t even care if you dislike him, although I do think it’s a little extreme to make a website about it. And I do think it’s dumb to say only stupid people like Dane Cook. That’s just not possible or even logical. Clearly there must be people with average to high IQs that love him. Just for the record, my IQ is at an average level. Anyway, all I’m saying, is either you like him, or you don’t. Whatever floats your boat.

  51. 51 arsebundren

    You guys don’t really make much sense at all. I need a social life to appreciate Dane Cook? What does that even mean? Are you saying that being surrounded by other laughing people is a prerequisite to finding this guy funny? That does make sense. It’s ridiculous, but plausible, because he seems to appeal exclusively to those with a sheeplike mentality.

    DANE COOK IS NOT FUNNY.

    It’s not because I’m an intellectual, nor is it because I’m some anti-social loser. It has NOTHING to do with me, my friends.

    And since when was observational humour fresh? Ever hear of a guy named Jerry Seinfeld? I think he had a sitcom or something a few years ago.

    You’re all telling me the same shit over and over again. I get it. You don’t.

    DANE COOK IS NOT FUNNY.

    (please keep it up, though…your replies make make me laugh — so at least I can associate humour with Dane Cook on some level, despite the fact that it isn’t his material.)

  52. 52 Krysta

    k well it doesn’t even matter that you’re saying all of this stuff, arsebundren, because your opinion doesn’t stop Dane Cook from doing what he does. Your feelings towards him won’t change him at all. And apparently it won’t change the opinions of his fans. He has a huge fan base, and his career won’t end just because you think he’s some low-life, money hungry, not funny comedian. So get over it.

    I hear that he has writers coming up with his jokes but personally I don’t understand how that’s possible. If the writers are writing it, why aren’t they performing it? Because Dane Cook is good at it?
    Well how do you think he started off being a comedian? He wouldn’t be able to afford writers. On some level, he must be a good comedian if he got to where he is now.

    Your thoughts and replies make ME laugh. Maybe you should be the comedian.

  53. 53 arsebundren

    Krysta,

    I don’t care about Dane Cook or his fans, what they think, what they say or what they eat. It doesn’t occupy much of my time, really.

    And for the record, this isn’t a website devoted to bashing Dane Cook…it’s ONE post that took me 5 minutes to write three months ago, but considering the amount of traffic it gets compared to the rest of my site, I really should start an exclusively Dane-bashing blog.

    I’m glad you find it funny, though…even if you meant that as an insult.

  54. 54 Krysta

    Whatever, man. Have fun doing that.

  55. 55 arsebundren

    I shall…gawd.

  56. 56 Madi

    ok people. here it is.
    dane cook is a fucking genius.
    he may not be funny to you but he sure knows what sells.
    he’s an amazing impressionist and knows how to exxagerate things in such a way that make them funny.
    so as long as he’s getting money, and we’re laughing, that’s all that matters.
    that’s the fact side of this debate.
    the opinion side: dane cook is the most amazing comic i’ve ever seen live. and whoever made this blog is one of two things.
    an ass hole who is just jealous that all the girls think dane cook is sex.
    or a hardworking prude with no funnybone who hardly ever laughs at anything.
    so WHO REALLY CARES WHAT YOU THINK.
    here’s all i’m saying.
    the least you can do is get to know a guy before tearing up his ass like this.
    thanks.

  57. 57 arsebundren

    Madi,

    You’re a true visionary in a time of darkness. I truly respect Dane Cook’s ability to sell garbage to the brainless masses, much in the same way I respect Wal-Mart’s ability to do the same. But that’s marketing, not comedy, commerce not laughs.

    Dane Cook is sex now as well? Poor sex. Always such an unassuming little word.

  58. 58 Andrea B.

    lol…I love how people prance on in here thinking they have such a great comment to leave for the fellow who dislikes Dane Cook. All huffed and puffed up because of his two cents. I can just imagine it, people sitting in front of their computer screens shaking with anger, thinking “yeaahhh, yeaaahh!! i got this fucker under my finger…feel the wrath….FEEL THE WRATH”. “You’re just jealous”, “Get a life”, “If you don’t like him, you’re a fucking idoit”, “Suck my dick”…things along those lines. Come off it, if his opinion doesn’t matter, neither does yours or mine. I don’t know what makes you people think your opinion is so much better than his. That makes you just as much of a prick as you claim him to be.

    When it comes down to it, it’s just a matter of opinion. If you don’t like it, oh well…if you do…giggity goo for you. Expressing your opinion is just fine, but if everyone carries on this Dane Cook debate, stringing it along for so long; you’re just as fucking retarded as you claim everyone else to be. Almost like watching a retarded cocker spaniel try to chase its tail.

    On that note…how about Lewis Black’s Red, White, and Screwed?

  59. 59 arsebundren

    Andrea,

    I haven’t come across Red, White and Screwed yet, but I can imagine it’s good if it’s anything like the rest of Lewis Black’s material.

  60. 60 Andrea B.

    Yeah…that’s the only show I’ve seen of his. It was completely genius…you have to watch it. I love it when he gets all angry he crosses his eyes and moves his hands and fingers in such a way…you just have to laugh.

    Later.

  61. 61 Keeny-kun

    Arsebundren,

    I think that question can be applied to just about anything that reaches mainstream popularity. Is ‘Family Guy’ all it’s cracked up to be? Did boy-bands really have any musical talent? My answer to both is a succinct, ‘no,’ and I think that after time, like all fads, Dane Cook will slowly fade out only to be replaced by another in a long line of decaying social entertainment. Hell, a century ago entertainment — if able to be afforded — was found in the form of musical theatre, Shakespeare even. You can trace a long and vivid line down the ages marking a decay of language: the adding and removing of contractions, the introduction of the acronym, the internet, (as most of this thread has displayed.) What I’m saying is: Dane Cook does not appeal to the generations of yesterday as his target audience is likely just finishing high school. In twenty-years, following the given trend, we might be nostalgic about Dane Cook’s comedy. Worse may be yet to come.

  62. 62 arsebundren

    Keeny-kun,

    I agree wholeheartedly with what you’re saying and have been known to rant and rave to the same effect. And “Family Guy” sucks. In fact, I hate the new episodes so much that I now question why I liked it in the first place, although in the first few seasons the pop-culture references would sometimes serve the plot. Now it’s just an endless series of tired digressions into my generation’s childhood.

    We’re devolving. Devo was right. Devo knew. All their crazy prophecies came true (to quote the Groovie Ghoulies).

  63. 63 honestchris

    lewis black sucks almost as much as dane cook. his appeal is mostly to self-important egghead types who slap themselves on the back for being smart enough to not like dane cook. zach galifianakis, on the other hand, is for life.

    ps, you guys who love dane cook, if you are over the age of 20, you might wind up idiots forever so now’s the time to re-evaluate your lives.

  64. 64 jenna

    lemme guess u respect the guy who made star trek and video games right you fucking newbie asshole. i wish i had the fucking time to sit here and whore u right now but i dont because i have a life and shit to do…

    U ARE A BORED INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE SUCK DANE COOKS DICK

  65. 65 arsebundren

    jenna,

    By the sound of it, I’m lucky you have a life and shit to do. Thank god for that.

  66. 66 Abby

    kay this is fucking bullshit.
    obviously if he makes people laugh hes prolly a comedian.
    but i guess you know more about this than me…
    but think about it, if hes popular and has his own stand up comedy video, im pretty sure hes a comedian.

  67. 67 Andrea B.

    Oh, c’mon…Lewis Black is great. I had no idea because someone liked Lewis Black that they were too “smart” to like Dane Cook. I like Dane Cook as well, but I feel no need to rant and rave about it. “Suck Dane Cook’s cock”….yeaaahhh, uhmmmm….grow up.
    “Self-important egghead types”? No my friend, it’s for people who have a slight idea for what’s going on with current events.
    By the by, who the fuck is Zach Galigflakndkis? Never heard of him, maybe I’ll check him out.

  68. 68 Dillon B.

    Your a fuckin asshole dane cook rocks and you kno it your just jealous because he can actually make people laugh i think he is the next chris farley and i love chris farley he always did somersaults and stuff like that and you are not criticizin him i agree with all the people that are backin up dane i think he is sooooooo funny so go suck a cock you little cunt have a nice day

  69. 69 arsebundren

    Dillon,

    You’re a moron.

  70. 70 victoria

    im dillons sister and your a fuckin dick dane does rock he will not be remembered like carrot top in ten years if he can make people laugh he is a comedian i think he is the greatest ever and i hardly ever agree with my brother so fuck you and to all the people backin up dane yeahyeah i was at the show for one of the discs for his retaliation album and it was fuckin hilarious whoever you are that replies to these get a fuckin life and if you ever meet dane i hope he kicks your stupid fuckin ass and rips your dick off and makes you eat i you stupid fuckin cunt

  71. 71 arsebundren.sucks.cock

    im a graduate of college so fuck you and all the shit your sayin bout all these people havin a 5 grade vocab and not knowin wat words mean i bet you are some 50 year old virgin who lives wit his mom and is doin all this from the basement so fuck you

  72. 72 arsebundren

    victoria,

    It obviously runs in the family.

  73. 73 dane

    holy shit i just watched that latest comment be posted by my friend and you prolly are a 50 year old virgin if you can reply that fast wats your real name i want to kno out of curiosity

  74. 74 arsebundren

    dane, victoria, Dillon B., arsebundren.sucks.cock:

    You’ve all got the same IP and, evidently, the same level of intelligence…so I can only assume you’re the same person. Regardless, you’re intensely stupid. Now go play in traffic or learn about punctuation…or something more constructive. Anything.

  75. 75 samantha

    dane cook is the man!!!!!!! ur just jealous cuz u could NEVER compare to the comedian that he is. dont hate… appreciate!!!!!

  76. 76 goofygirl

    exactly!!! dont hate,appreciate, just cos u aint htat great.
    Dane Cook bragadociously is a da shit!!
    nobody gets better than that.

  77. 77 Alex

    Arsebundren,

    I can’t believe I’m adding onto this, but hey, whatever.
    I’ve just read all 77 posts so far, and figured out [in less than half-way through of reading all of it] you’re just like the rest of everyone else who commented. “Go suck a tailpipe.” Very mature. I applaud you for acting that way to any comment, no matter how stupid or intelligent the person who wrote it is.
    If you were being serious, you would have posted this Anti-Dane-Cook message with a serious attitude, and not one that bashes the people who support someone they like. It seems as though you were waiting for the supporters to comment and stand up for him… just to try and bash the supporters down.
    As to the whole part about you having Dane Cooks “talent,”… atleast he took the chance. I don’t see you up on stage right now.
    Dane Cook may only have a few jokes that you can recite in a casual way (i.e. professional shushing school), but they’re still exaggerated and exceptionally funny. I don’t have the ability to get up in front of that many people and perform nearly that well, but he does an excellent job at it. He can definately present a joke well.
    What REALLY got me, though, was that you already started taking swings at his supporters even BEFORE they posted! That whole part about the mall punks and what-not. Bloody Hell, child. Calm down.
    As for the whole NASCAR thing… I dare you to go to the race and say aloud exactly what you said here. No hiding yourself with text and internet. Or better yet, try to join NASCAR, there’s a lot more to it than driving around in circles. They have to do a Hell of a lot more math than you put into making your bowl of cereal in the morning.

    Next time you post a “critical” comment such as this, do the research and actually think about what you want to post before you post it. You weren’t being a critic. You were being a basher.

    Think before you post; you’ll save yourself some decency.

  78. 78 arsebundren

    Alex,

    That’s all fine and dandy, but your reply is approximately 2.5 times longer than my initial (and obviously VERY flippant) post. Dane Cook really isn’t worth the time or energy required of me to make an astute and critically sound judgement of his alleged talents (or those of your beloved NASCAR drivers). I don’t care. My sole intention was to provoke. Mission accomplished, judging by your frothing, self-righteous response. You obviously take yourself a hell of a lot more seriously than I do myself.

    Godspeed.

  79. 79 You're an idiot.

    ‘wow’. you’re about one in a million that thinks Dane Cook isn’t funny.
    I don’t think that any ‘random’ person in the world has the right to diss him. mainly because he’s one of the best comedians out there. If you don’t agree then it’s probably because you have a shitty sense of humor. & you are probably just some ‘sketchy’ old man that sits at home on his couch eating cheese doodles and crying about his incredibly shitty life.

    thank you & have a nice shitty life.
    up yours.

    byeee :]

  80. 80 arsebundren

    I love cheese doodles. They’re so totally NOT shitty.

    P.S – I hope you randomly catch a sketchy case of ebola. Good luck with the liquefied organs; at least they’ll match your grey matter.

  81. 81 LMFAO

    OK, I must say I love Dane Cook, however after reading all 81 comments on this site I have determined that all it takes to piss hundreds of “hard core fans” off is one smooth talking blog nerd. While i am a Dane Cook fan i must congratulate you arsebundren, as you have managed to infuriate quite a number of people. (Which shamefully is one of my favorite pastimes) I must say I always love reading things like this because it is entertaining to watch obviously unintelligent people battle with someone of immediately apparent superior intelligence. While i do find Dane Cooks jokes funny, I found reading the comments on this blog even funnier bravo arsebundren you actually are a comedian in your own way. to the rest of my fellow supporters excluding some.. if you are not intelligent enough to post a coherent and intelligent response to this mans bash on Dane Cook.. please refrain from spewing your vulgar, repetitive, slang-laden drawls and leave room for the intelligent supporters. Your making us look bad.

    Posted by: Justin (age 17)

  82. 82 arsebundren

    Justin,

    You’re a credit to your age group, Dane Cook fan or not. πŸ™‚

  83. 83 Brian

    I have a theory that Dane Cook is only truly liked by people who don’t like comedy. If you talk to people who have taken in a relatively wide range of comedy — film, stand-up, sketch, past and present — they don’t really appreciate Dane Cook. Typically, Dane Cook fans would be hard pressed to name another stand-up comedian, and might find it almost impossible to name one other comedian they like.

    Kids, don’t get mad yet. Despite the fact that I consider myself in the former category and not the latter, I drank the kool-aid for a brief moment. I bought a Dane Cook CD a few years ago and liked some of the bits, but something felt wrong. When I really thought about the words he was saying, and tried to ignore the way he was saying it, I realized that there wasn’t much there. It can’t be denied that he’s a performer, but it’s difficult to say that he’s truly a comedian.

    I can’t help but chuckle when I see the earlier posts, citing Dane’s participation in “Good Luck Chuck” and “Mr. Brooks”, which are widely recognized as two of the worst movies that have come out in the past year…but I digress.

    The most telling thing about Dane Cook is his radio appearances. While other comedians joke around with the hosts (why wouldn’t they, as most comedians are naturally funny people), Dane gets down to business and promotes his shows and DVD’s with barely a chuckle from him or the host.

    A real comedian thinks in jokes. You can’t have a two minute conversation with them without them at least attempting to make a joke. This isn’t to say that you need to be like this to be a comedian, but it’s telling as far as Dane’s motives. Does every comedian want to make money? Of course, but most also want to put out quality material.

    This is where Dane is “guilty” of playing to the lowest common denominator. It doesn’t take much to make a baby laugh, right? Well, that’s because babies are not intelligent. Extrapolate, and you will see where I’m going with this. “If it’s so easy, then you do it!” is what I might expect to hear in reply. Well, I’m not a good performer, which Dane is. I’m also not a comedian, but neither is he.

  84. 84 arsebundren

    Brian has nailed it.

  85. 85 Steph

    Dane Cook is the best, end of story.
    I’m always watching comedy shows, but i still find Dane as the best.
    He is also quite good looking aswell.
    But why hate on him, he is fucking epic.
    =]

  86. 86 Brian

    Steph, who are some of your other favorite comedians?

  87. 87 thankyoujack

    I was flipping through channels and landed on Comedy Central. The movie “Employee of the Month” was on. Naturally, I grabbed the dial immediately and changed it. Then I realized that I hadn’t heard the name “Dane Cook” in a long time. So I got excited and thought to myself “…is it true?! no more movies? no more HBO specials? no more douche bag bros quoting him in line at Qdoba at 3 in the morning?” So…i did some google-ing and found this hilarious thread instead. I read every single comment, made my fuckin night! I realize this thread is like 4 years old but i had to comment. Arsebundren, you are the best.

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