The Language












I languish because I do not speak the language. I do this willfully. I do it as a point of pride, for turning common sense into an empty pseudoscience based on meaningless terms, insincerity and selfish glee should be considered a crime against humanity and tried in the Hague. Oh, I know these war criminals well since I too was once schooled in the arts of the language, but I quickly developed a slur and lost interest in the likes. I know them, but do not begrudge them their existence or curious behaviours, as they too should me or mine. But this is too much to ask and forces them to use the language like a blunt instrument heavy with fake logic.

But. You’re Good, but… you’re honest, BUT. But what? Pointless, for they do not understand the words coming out of my mouth.

The problem is, a healthy distaste — ok, make that a full-on hate for marketing, as brought on by a full-on hate of being talked down to, fosters an inability to sell oneself. I refuse to use verbal ad copy in reference to my abilities, preferring instead a more fidgety, spastic variation on the act of self-promotion.

I do not speak the language. Rather, I will not.

And I bet what they’re really thinking as they bombard me with the generic, HR-approved horse shit questions is something along the lines of ‘wow, this weirdo sure has a lot of dignity… damn. I mean check it out: he’s fucking dignified. Uncouth and seemingly ill-prepared, but dignified. Nice shirt and not much dead skin. Sure, he drops his g’s and sounds generally like a hick, but he’s vaguely charming in a potential sexual predator kind of way.’ 

Or maybe that’s not what they’re thinking at all.

So away I skulk, tail between legs, back to my allotted toiling space to lubricate the grooves of my cog with caffeine, chocolate and, for health’s sake, a fruit smoothie. Working in tandem, the stimulants make me think of the future while the fruit serves as a hanging carrot of false hope in the notion that I just might someday see said future, in whatever grim, climate-controlled environment it may prove to be.



2 Responses to “The Language”

  1. I think Bill Hicks says all that needs to be said about “Marketing” people…. Which is only a stones throw away from Human Remains…sorry Resources.

    Dignity…. I think that was an option on my benefits package, I went for the dental instead.

  2. 2 arsebundren

    Dignity is more of a fantasy for me at this point, a sort of empty rallying cry, as I’m sure my last shred disappeared the moment I was sucked deep into the guts of an enormous multinational.

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