Blue Freezies



I can’t see him, since I’m laying flat on my back in bed ten seconds past a dead sleep, but I imagine him shaking, clenched jaw and fists, most likely wearing a stained wifebeater and sagging black jeans, frantically wiping the midday sweat from his patchy goatee as he paces back and forth in front of whomever has committed this wrong.

“Fuck! I wanted a blue Freezie!”

All caps would not do this justice, for his is the rage of a man separated from that which quenches the white hot flame of his methamphetamine soaked existence, a foot-long plastic tube full of frozen water, corn syrup and food colouring.

“Fuuuck! All I wanted was a blue Freezie and you couldn’t even do that! He never has blue Freezies! What the fuck! Fuuuck!”

This is a man who takes his summertime treats seriously. Good Humour man beware and Dickie Dee bicycle jockey soyez prudent — there’s a new sheriff in town and he has the nose to match his bloodied knuckles.


4 Responses to “Blue Freezies”

  1. 1 Dave

    I have no idea what this is all about (no change there then)….. but I dont half like it ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. 2 arsebundren

    I had a restless sleep yesterday, mostly due to my neighbour — a man who seemingly alternates between mainlining cocaine and slurping on freezies, or so I imagine.

  3. Aha I see….. well my neighbour owns the loudest diesel engined car this side of a Massey Ferguson Tractor factory. He bastards a taxi driver and living less than 10 miles from Heathrow means everyone in the street knows when he’s on an airport run at 4 in the morning….. and he’s south african, lovely bunch of well adjusted and reasonable people.

    Oh, in case you’re wondering, my new years resolution was to be more racist this year…. buck the trend, you know how it goes.


  1. 1 Bicycle Jockey | Xpedition Online

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