The Cassette Played Poptones

06Sep08

I can’t forget the impression you made, you left a hole in the back of my head.

~

Friend or foe? Can’t decide. Let’s go for a drive. Do I like you or do I hate your guts? Who knows. Let’s go for a drive. A drive sorts everything out, but context is everything; When your driver speaks in short sentences, they could be the last you ever hear.

Keep an eye on the passing scenery. This is key. If you see rolling hills, farmland and livestock and haven’t been invited on a camping trip, there may be trouble ahead. Is there liquor on your driver’s breath? If you see warehouses, industrial fencing and the orange glow of oil refinery flares in the early morning mist and haven’t been invited on a post-modern camping trip, there may be trouble ahead. Is there cough syrup on your driver’s breath?

Let’s go for a drive. I will surely kill you, but let’s make a day of it.

Now, say things loosen up a bit and your driver seems carefree, happy even. It may just be the third plateau of a DXM high kicking in, but this drive might bode well after all. Maybe you’ll hear the funniest joke ever. Maybe you’ll get a hand job in the bushes behind the paper mill. Maybe you’ll learn how to properly tip a cow or use bolt cutters. Maybe it’s all a ruse.

Let’s go for a drive. I’ll keep your guard down with niceties, then shoot you in the back of the head when you least expect it.

Of course, there are ways to avoid such an outcome. Use your memory. Have you wronged this person recently? Have you made them look a fool infront of someone they respect? Have you inflicted physical pain on their person? Did you laugh about it later on whilst running it over in your head? Have you been up for three days doing meth?

These are the warning signs, so stay prudent. Keep conversation light. Stay away from politics, religion or any UK vs. US The Office arguments because there are no winners, only losers — ones who still live in their mom’s basement and spend most of their free time rearranging their collection of rare Starting Lineup figurines featuring players who have been suspended for a drug violation at some point in their career. Is there merit in this?

Is there merit in any collection?

Let’s go for a drive, figure it out, and I may just add you to mine.

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