Archive for the ‘fiction’ Category

Empties

13Jul11

Recently liberated from the Save-Easy two streets over, the shopping cart has been put to a nobler calling,┬árolling true on new casters, freed from a life of produce and foodstuff serfdom. A redemption, if you will.┬áBreathing deeply in the damp morning air, the cart’s saviour feels pride in his newly aquired assistant, exploring the shiny […]


The Iron Corset

13Jul11

please tell me I’m not the only one who is shocked beyond belief! I feel numb I’m so upset. This can’t be real!! How can you guys say this won’t change anything? This changes EVERYTHING. I don’t even know what to think right now. – Holmes24 ~ Bad things sometimes happen to good people. This […]


Frumious

06Feb10

Young Elizabeth moved lithely through the lecherous limbs of the smelly forest, zigging this way, zagging that, mindful of the dangers which lay ahead, trying her best to ignore the smell of decay which had leached its way into every fibre of her being. The jubjub bird had proven easily enough avoided, but to successfully […]


My Buddy Chad

07Nov09

When my purely fictional editor came to me with the chance to conduct a fake interview with Chad Kroeger — Nickelback frontman,┬ánoted pants-around-your-feet enthusiast and unapologetic photo-op horn-thrower – I jumped at it like a chicken on a dough dish. It was all set. We were to meet at a location within two square kilometers […]


1. A herd of stray dogs are brought in off the street and force-fed a diet of Appetite For Destruction album art chased with cans of Budweiser, Big Macs and several bags of sequins. 2. The animals are funneled like pigs to the slaughter into a room the size of a small warehouse whose floor […]


Having produced a cut-off drinking straw from the pocket of his crisp blue shirt, Billy Mays smiles broadly at me through that insanely well-groomed beard, his pearly whites lending an otherworldly glow to the confines of the storage closet, throwing the mops, buckets and various cleaning products into a dignified relief normally reserved for furniture […]


I don’t watch much television lately: I only have one channel. Two if you count Radio-Canada, but I don’t since I only understand roughly 38% of what I hear on there and, luckily, my cognitive functions only respect the majority vote. So I watch Global, but let me be perfectly clear about this: I find […]